Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Why Noah will be our only child for a nice, loooong, while...

        For those of you that know me, you know that I have decided that I do not want to have any more children. Physically, that is. I do eventually want another child whether it be through surrogacy or adoption, but this mama's body is officially closed for business. I've been through too much physically, emotionally, and psychologically to be pregnant again. Don't get me wrong, Noah was SO worth it. So unbelievably worth it...but she's here now, and I know what me being pregnant entails, and knowing it all up front, well, I just can't do it again. I do truly want a son one day, and I'd love for it to be mine and Chad's biological child if at any point we can afford a surrogate, however I also love the idea of adoption and giving a child a good, loving home that they might not otherwise have. With that being said, I do not want another child for a loooooonnnggg time. Like years from now, and I am SO sure about that. We've been lucky enough to spend some time with my in-laws, nieces and nephews recently (there are 5 children under 5, not including Noah) and I have never been so content with just having Noah in my entire life. I'm also pretty certain at this point that my sisters-in-law are the most patient women I know, and that Chad's oldest sister, Nicole (mother to 3 under 5), is a saint. A saint who hasn't slept, showered, or pooped in peace in 5 years. If I know one thing about myself after being around these amazing kids, and I truly mean that they are amazing, is that I am too selfish, too impatient, and just not cut out for more than one child right now.
        After a family dinner and hang out session at Chad's parent's house, I have a border-line migraine and feel like I could sleep for 14 hours. I often sit back and take inventory of the scene in the house during these get-togethers and just shake my head and laugh...the three oldest (the 5 year old, 2 year old, and almost 3 year old) are running around with flash lights, screaming about who pushed who, putting each other in time-out, and then hugging and making up in the most heart-melting of fashions...the oldest of the babies, who is 16 months old, is screaming bloody murder-not out of sadness, anger or frustration, but out of sheer joy at building a block tower and knocking it down herself. Noah is crawling around on all of the furniture on her tip toes trying to reach whatever electronic device we've placed out of her reach and the youngest, a nine month-old, is crawling on the ground as if navigating a war zone fighting to just make it through the den and into the kitchen with his extremities in-tact. Meanwhile, Chad's two sisters are negotiating with the big kids, "Now lets give her back her flashlight, and she'll give you back your truck..." in addition to "Did you push him?" (which, by the way the response to that is the most adorably honest "He pushed me....and I pushed him first!") Chad's brothers-in-law are trying to get by with what little interjection they can, but still having to throw out an occasional "Watch out for the baby," or "don't throw that!" Chad and I are changing dirty diapers, placing phones up on end tables and then removing them and placing them on higher tables....and then pulling Noah away from the electrical cords she's found by crawling under the couch and getting stuck between it and the wall. As well as having everyone's favorite conversation: "What did you give Noah to eat?" "I didn't give her anything..." "Well what's in her mouth?" ---rush over to the baby and pry the <insert random object here> out of her throat. The greatest part is that ALL of this has taken place over just a 5 minute time period....and what's even more unbelievable is that these are good kids. Heaven help the families with problem children, I shudder to think about how I would cope in that situation. I have said time and time and time again, certain kids take certain types of parents, and folks I have recognized my short-comings and recognized my potential, and right now that potential is shouting: being an amazing parent....to ONE child. I am not organized enough, patient enough, clear-headed enough, kind enough, or strong enough to handle anything more than my sweet Noah girl right now. I've got to tell ya, I am certainly humbled by the amazing parenting abilities I witness from Chad's two sisters and their husbands. My nieces and nephews are the smartest and funniest kids I know, and they have the biggest hearts. My nephew pushed me on the porch swing for 5 minutes tonight, and while that might not seem like long, he's only two. My 5-year-old niece told her other Aunt, who hadn't been given an invitation to Noah's birthday party yet, to "just be patient and she was sure that she would get it soon"....and my two-year-old niece sat on the counter eating boiled peanuts with me today and out of the blue looked over and told me "I'm SO excited because my cousins are coming to grandmama's house today, too!" What's great for Chad and I, but especially for Noah is that we don't have to have any other kids for a while because she's the luckiest little girl in the world to have such amazing cousins just a few hours away to play with!
       Here are some pics of my little angel from tonight, she's getting so big! We had her one-year-old portraits done yesterday, and I could hardly believe it! What is the family dynamic like in your family? Did I paint an accurate picture of your family get-togethers, or is it totally different? More kids for you, or content with what you've got? For me, it's nice to know where I stand, and I can safely say my hubby agrees with me! We are content with our little family for now! Peace and Love, Layne

Noah chillin' on the porch with her Grandaddy.

Grandmama snuggling with Noah and her cousin, both having their nighttime milk.

1 comment:

andrea said...

Ohh man.. this reminds me of working at a daycare (specifically in the toddler/infant/three year rooms). 15 toddlers wondering around with only 2 adults? Nap time, snack time, play time, potty time, reading time.. when all the kids are on different schedules (none of which are the right schedule), I'll pass. Hands down the best birth control.