Learning, learning, learning, and obedience.

We are at this point with Noah where she is in this phase of full-blown: I'm not a baby anymore and I'm discovering all of these new things that I'm capable of doing, and I'm pushing boundaries, testing limits, and seeing how much can I get away with. The majority of the time this is hilarious, some of the time it's frustrating, often times it is exhausting, but all of the time it is absolutely astonishing at how smart she is and how quickly she is growing. I just wanted to share some of her new quirks with you and some perspective it's given me on motherhood and life...

     The most annoying of all of Noah's new habits is definitely that fact that she WILL NOT keep her shoes on in the car, and most of the time she opts to take her socks off, too. This seems minor, but since she's in and out of the car several times a day being toted to and from the babysitter's house to home and running errands with the sitter, shoes get removed and put back on what seems like a bajillion (real word) times a day. Some times it will be one, sometimes both...and a lot of times it takes a ridiculously long time to relocate said removed shoes. My personal favorite is the piercing screams from back seat where she sits frustrated as heck trying to pull off her socks, too. I can't say that I don't get it. I mean, I'm from South Carolina, we do barefoot well. I'm not ashamed to say I've pulled a Britney a time or two...but as a mother  who's child is capable of putting her foot in her mouth (and often does) I just don't want her walking around barefoot unless it is in our home or during the summer...

      Something else that she's started doing is making use of our ample storage space in the kitchen and den. This is tricky, and is definitely fine tuning our attention to detail. When we were shopping for houses two years ago the ludicrous amount of kitchen cabinets and huge built-ins in the living room where the delicious icing on the cake for us. We seriously have about 30+ cabinets and drawers in our kitchen/family room area. Noah can now open ALL of them. She has also begun to hone her organizational skills by placing things in random cabinets and drawers where she obviously feels they belong. We find hair bows and drum sticks in with the cutting boards, half-full bottles of soy milk in with our grilling supplies, it's crazy. I just know one day we're going to come home to the smell of some food/beverage rotting and have absolutely no idea what it is and where she's stashed it.

Her second favorite thing to open now is the pull-out trash can. Y'all know what I'm talking about, right? Our trash can compartment looks like a cabinet and you pull it out, well Noah loves it. We tell her "yucky" and try and divert her attention to something else, but much to our chagrin we often find her on her tip toes checking out the garbage. Night before last I opened the drawer to throw something away and was greeted by two books (nice ones) a chain of links, and two plastic bowls resting atop the rest of our household trash. Chad was standing there and scolded her "No!" he then directed her attention to her cabinet, (which is one right next to the trash can) that we have given her to use as she pleases. "This is your cabinet," he points and puts all of her things back in it, "This is a no!" he says again sternly pointing to the trash can, and then once again "Noah, this is Noah's cabinet, you can have all of your things in here, and do whatever you want in this cabinet...." Then we left her to herself. Two minutes later Chad walks overs to the sink and beckons for me to come quickly, only to see this...

     We agreed we wouldn't scold her, because all she was doing was exactly what her daddy had just told her she could do!

Her favorite thing to open, however is our pantry. I must admit, I'm usually the culprit that doesn't shut it completely allowing her to pry it open with her tiny fingers and start rearranging our shelves and opening the Milkbone box. If we open it to get anything out or put up groceries she is magically inside of it before we can even attempt to do whatever it was we needed to. The kid is ninja fast. Last night Chad put something away and was ushering her out of the pantry and closed the door on her fingers, accidentally. She cried for maybe two minutes until she was distracted by eating the ice I offered her for her fingers. He kind of looked at me frustrated and obviously upset that she had gotten hurt, and I couldn't help but smile. "Could you ever imagine chasing a little person around, scolding her, and doing it over and over again could be this amazing?" I asked him...I just wouldn't want to be spending my time in the evenings doing anything other than watching her discover, and grow. Even the testing of my patience and sometimes the boo-boos, too, are some of the best moments of my life to date. Because, you see, after she misbehaves she usually tries to do something silly, or walks over and offers a giant opened-mouth 14-month-old kiss...when she hurts herself she asks for "mama" and rests her head on my shoulder. It's bliss.

I was reading this morning and I had a revelation. I think my Heavenly Father feels the same way about me, and each of you. He doesn't want us to disobey him....he gets frustrated when we take our shoes off in the car, so to speak. But, he enjoys watching us grow, and learn, and finding out for ourselves what our limits are, and what we can handle versus what we need His help to do. He might chuckle at our attempts along the way, the way I do as I watch my daughter try new things, but He beams with love and compassion for us when we get it right, and when we obey. When we are hurt, and when we have boo-boos, whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually we can call out His name and cling to Him like a child, we can seek comfort in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father. I am go grateful during this season of Thanksgiving that I have such a great example in the Lord and His son, Jesus of what love means. Peace and much Love, Layne

I love you.

     I've had a strong feeling lately that I need to focus my time on serving the Lord. I feel very strongly the Spirit calling me to service in a larger capacity than I've ever done before. This feeling, while heavy on my heart, has sent an electric charge to every fiber of my being so that I feel like all of the molecules in my body are shaking in anticipation, as if they are at a starting line of a race waiting for the gun shot to take off and release that current of energy to go and actively serve. It's exciting, and humbling. I can't help but think that I should have this desire, and should be exerting all of my energy to serve the Lord every day, and at all times. Isn't that what we're asked to do? Romans 12:1 says "present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service". It seems like a giant request to me. I'm one little woman, in a big world, with loads of other obligations that have much more immediate consequences if I neglect them. On a daily basis I can think of about 10 things that require action and work on my part that literally take up my entire day, how am I supposed to commit all of my time to serving when I don't have any time to spare? These are the thoughts, concerns, and doubts that I have all of the time, but as strongly as I feel this need to serve and as often as I doubt my abilities, I also know three things to be true: 1. I have been called to serve the Lord with all of my heart, might, mind, and strength (D&C 4:2). 2. The Lord will not ask me to do anything that is not possible with His help. 3. Even at my best effort, if I can give as much as my little-one woman-body can handle, it will still not even begin to repay Him for what He has done for me.
    So I've started to think and pray and learn more about serving the Lord. What I've found has made me realize that while I still feel like I'm being called to something bigger (and hopefully that will become clear to me one day), I'm realizing how many opportunities on any given day I have to be in service, and not have to change my schedule, or exhaust myself any more than I already do. I started studying what the Lord has taught us about service, and in the index (or guide) of my scriptures the very first thing under the word "Service" says "See also: love". Well, that is something I can do. I can love. I can show love for my husband, my daughter, my family, and friends. That is something I can do easily. What the Lord asks of us, however, is to love more, and to love everyone as He loves us. When we love one another we are in the service of our God. I've learned that when we love when it is hard, when it takes work, when it isn't our initial instinct or when it we are faced with someone who appears not to deserve it...that is when the Spirit is strong, that is when God's work is being done and when we are truly giving what has been asked. The Savior said, "inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these, ye have done it unto me" (Matthew 25:35-45). This week alone I've learned a few lessons in this.         For example, this Sunday for whatever reason (I suspect molars) my daughter was a different person. She was horrible. She screamed like she was possessed, she was disobedient, she was for lack of a better word... a nightmare. This continued into Monday when I picked her up from the sitter and she refused to come to me. She screamed when I pried her off of the woman who keeps her, and continued screaming the whole way home. I wanted to punish her for acting this way, I felt like she needed to learn a lesson and know that I would not tolerate that kind of behavior. I felt hurt by her. It is amazing how much a 14 month-old hurt my feelings, she brought me to tears. At home I felt like ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder, and reasoned with myself that doing so was a technique the experts have said works during tantrums. I was not loving her. As we got home the thought entered my mind that I needed to be patient with her, like the Lord is patient with me. I needed to take a deep breath and be calm and show her that I loved her, and that I would wait until whatever it was that was making her so upset stopped. I could wait, and not ignore her or take my love away from her. I grabbed her flailing, sweaty, red and screaming body hugged her tight, and kissed her and let her know that her mommy was here, and it would be alright. I envisioned how my God probably gets frustrated with me when I disobey and hurt him, and how He is merciful and waits for me to act like the child he knows I can be. I'd love to say that she miraculously stopped be ornery, but she didn't. Eventually, however, she turned back into the little girl I'm used to. Until then, though, my house was filled with love and patience instead of bad feelings, and I know that I was serving in the role of a mother.
       Early in the week at work I had another experience of active love. Most of you don't know what I do for a living, but I'm in a profession where I deal with many people everyday who are "customers". It is very normal for me to be faced with mean, angry, and complaining people, and some of these people are like this all of the time. Quite often I'm forced to face them and deal with them over and over again. It's easy to dislike them. It's easy to want to run and hide when I see them, or not give them attention, or put effort towards appeasing them. What I've found is that the majority of the time when I talk to them begrudgingly, or meet with them already resentful of the way that I know they're going to speak and act toward me our interaction ends with both of us feeling negative and being unhappy. But when I love them as God does, when I treat them like a beloved child of God, not only do I tend to get better results, I am in the service of the Lord. "By love serve one another" and "love thy neighbor as thyself" (Galatians 5:13-14) and even though they are acting unattractively, and may say hurtful things or chew my ear off with negativity if I show them kindness and have love in my heart, even if our meeting ends without resolution, I am not left in a bad mood the rest of the day, and hopefully they feel...even the tiniest bit...some peace in their heart.
        I'm constantly learning, and I hope growing, too. I feel like I learn a new lesson or skill, and find out something different about myself every day. I still feel like the charge we've been given to serve is a huge one, it's not easy. Some days, I'll probably fail. My Heavenly Father deserves the best. He has asked for all of me, and His grace allows me to give it my best shot. This is just a little of what has been in my heart lately. Thanks for letting me share. Peace and Love, Layne
 
  

Absolutely Disgusting...

    I'm a person who's inner workings are totally reflective of my outer condition...or is it the opposite, or vice versa...regardless. I have low self-esteem, a history of depression, PMDD, and come from a long line of crazies (sorry Long/Sanders family, but you know it's true). I'm at my brightest when I'm in a consistent and aggressive work-out routine, eating healthy, prioritizing appropriately, and spiritually fed. I know that a reliable routine and positive health choices allow for most people to achieve a sort of homeostasis in their lives, but for me it is much more than that. When reaching a balance as opposed to having growth I tend to slip quickly into a rut and even faster into a pit until I eventually I reach the point where I feel absolutely disgusting. I feel ugly, I feel nasty, I feel fat and greasy and sleepy and cranky and I tend to act and treat people in a way that is very reflective of how I'm feeling. I can't stick to a diet if I'm not exercising, either. The two go hand in hand for me, and I know that studies upon studies have shown that inactive people tend to not only eat more, but are consuming more unhealthy foods than active people. I know that studies show active people are happier, I know that studies show that spiritually strong (in any faith) people are happier, I know that studies show that choosing healthy food options makes you physically feel better than the alternative...I have read and studied all of these things, I just have to tell you that I am a walking, talking statistic  Slap me on a pie chart and put me in a boardroom somewhere, because I hear ya Mr. So and So from the Comission for a Better Onethingoranother- I am so there! I decided today that I need to purge. I need to purge my mind, my heart, and my body. I need to flush out the negativity, the doubt, the crankiness, right along with the toxins and junk in my system from all of the crap I've been eating, and I need to get good with the Lord and start fresh....or as a wise man once said: "recharge my batteries, and shut down the engines, and get myself back to neutral."
          Believe it or not, but I'm longing for the drive I had when I was losing my baby weight. I was committed to the "Bringing Sexy Back" program that I instituted for myself, and I was steadily seeing results. Now that I've gained only a pound or two verses having 40+ to lose, I really only feel the difference rather than see it, which is exactly how I rationalize the 3 cookies I'm averaging a day...but after the cookies I feel shame. And nausea. And more shame. I know it sounds preposterous to be worked up over a pound or two, and I know I'm being a bit humorous about it all, but it truly does spread like an infection throughout my daily life and affect way more than what I see in the mirror. I don't have energy to play with my daughter, I blow off a morning run with my dog, I'm too tired to have QT with the hubs and read my scriptures in the evenings, and I totally let the stress of work get me all bajiggetty and feeling not so Christian-like towards those causing said stress.
       So look-out y'all cause I'm gearing up for a relaunch. I was inspired by Schmidt's relaunch party on the sitcom New Girl... his party had a theme of "Danger" and while my relaunch party will only be metaphorical, and while you wont be able to hear the sweet playlist going on in my head just know that I'm jamming out to some serious tracks and I'm a lady on a mission. The theme of my relaunch party??? Awesomeness. I'll be getting awesome, eating awesome, working out awesome (thanks to the new Zumba class I'm teaching- message me for the schedule if you're in North Augusta) and spending a whole lot of awesome time with God.
     And my relaunch into the world of all that is amazing, spectacular, and (you guessed it) awesome, could not come at a better time...because this weekend is General Conference. For those of you who are not LDS that is the semi-annual broadcast from Salt Lake City that goes out all over the world where we get to hear spiritual messages from the General Authorities of the church. I can't think of a better ground zero for my grand transformation into my best self than hearing from those who I revere as spiritually strong and righteous men and women. I encourage everyone- even if you're not Mormon to tune in to BYUTV or lds.org on Sunday-- it's just one giant feel-good, uplifting event for Christians in general.  So on Sunday I'll be checking off "step 1" on my road to Awesomeness, and beginning my week on a great note. Then checking off "steps 2 and 3" with some healthy eating and my new Zumba classes later in the week. So buh-bye absolutely disgustingness....this train is heading to Awesomeville, and it's not stopping until it reaches world domination! Awwww yeaahh! Who's with me?? Peace and Love, Layne

P.S. Here are some pictures of the silliest little girl and I this afternoon when I picked her up from the sitter!

Wise women I know...

     My mom recently sent me this chain email for a scripture exchange, that required you to not just send back your favorite scripture verse in return, but be responsible for sending it to 10 other people and making sure they send it to 10 other people, and what starts out as sharing something fun with someone else turns into waaayyy to much responsibility for one email. Regardless, I loved the idea of having other people share their favorite scripture verses with me. I think it's nice to get some verses that maybe didn't stand out to me before, or that I'd never studied, and also I think it's nice to share the ones that are special to you with the people you care about.
    So what I did was ask a couple of wise women I know what their favorite verse of scripture was. Some of them couldn't narrow it down to just one, but then again, neither could I. I asked women of all different ages, denominations, marital status, different  idiosyncrasies, and passions... I loved the responses I got! I got such comforting, powerful, and compassionate words of scripture to read. I felt my Father's love for me through these words, and knowing each of these women I could definitely see each persons individual personalities in their choices!
        My contributors included a mom of two, newly wed, student, grandmother and some great friends. I'm LDS but even though I chose three verses, they are all out of the Bible. Some of the scripture is out of the Bible, some out of the Book of Mormon, some is specific to Catholicism but what's so great is that the commonality is Love. God's love for us, the Savior's love for us, the love between a man and a woman, and woman and child. I'm sharing the King James version because that is what I read, but I encourage you to look each of these up in whatever version of scripture you study and relish it. Let them make your day a little better! I hope you'll enjoy reading these verses either for the first or fiftieth time! I'll start with my favorites and go from there. Peace and Love, Layne


For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27

Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men: Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart. 2 Corinthians 3:2-3

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. Matthew 11:29

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fail. Helaman 5:12

But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction. Jacob 3:1

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25

Sarah got up so that they could pray together and ask God for his protection. Then Tobias prayed: God of our ancestors, you are worthy of praise. May your name be honored forever and ever by all your creatures in heaven and on earth. You created Adam and gave him his wife Eve to be his helper and support. They became the parents of the whole human race. You said, It is not good for man to live alone. I will make a suitable helper for him. Lord, I have chosen Sarah because it is right, not because I lusted for her. Please be merciful to us and grant that we may grow old together. Tobit :5-7

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalms 27:1

And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers: And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, when ye turn to the left. Isaiah 30: 20-21

Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Psalms 16:11

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil. Proverbs 3:6-7

That is, that I may be comforted together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me. Romans 1:12

Behold ye among the heathen, and regard, and wonder marvelously: for I will work a work in your days, which ye will not believe, though it be told you. Habakkuk 1:5

Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Philippians 2:3

Till he fill thy mouth with laughing, and thy lips with rejoicing. Job 8:21

We love him, because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19